Smart Club
by cloudmouth
Summary: Leon and Sora form a club, but Cloud isn't allowed to join.  When all of his friends start joining up, what will Cloud do about Smart Club?  Noncon lime, chapter four :o
1. Smart Club, Part I

Leon and Sora form a club. Cloud is jealous. Calamity ensues.

THE SMART CLUB

Cloud woke to the scent of pancakes. He was curled up on his side in the squishy bed that he shared with no one else. It was a Sunday, and although he'd like nothing better than to sleep, he knew he had to get up or Yuffie would have eaten all the pancakes—or at least chugged all the Aunt Jemimah's.

He was up and dressed in the amount of time it would take a drunken chocobo to win the Hades Cup at the Coliseum. There went his plan of getting up on the bright.

The blonde made his way down the stairs, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. On his way into the kitchen, he caught a glimpse of something he never thought he'd witness out of the corner of his eye. 'No... It can't be... it's just not possible...'

But it was.

Leon and Sora were building a pillow fort in the living room.

Cloud turned, wide-eyed, and watched as the construction of the pillow fort neared completion.

"Don't forget the sign, Leon," said Sora, handing the older man a piece of paper and a permanent marker.

"How could I forget the sign? It's the most important part of the club," Leon replied, taking the supplies from Sora and scribbling something in his narrow, slanted handwriting. He took a piece of tape from Sora's finger and adhered the sign the front of the pillow fort.

Cloud came closer and saw that it read, "SMART CLUB. No blondes allowed." "' Smart Club'? What's that supposed to mean?" he cried, his hand shooting to his hip to make for a very indignant pose.

"It means only smart people are allowed in the Smart Club, Cloud. That doesn't seem to include you at the moment. Being a private club, the Smart Club _does_ reserve the right to decline membership at any time," Sora explained, crawling into the pillow fort.

Leon closed his eyes solemnly and put one hand to his heart; the other he held up as if taking an oath. "As President of the Smart Club, I, Squall Leonhart, accept the fact that not everyone is perfect. However, as President, I also accept the fact that those who are not perfect, e.g., not brunettes, do not have to join all clubs for smart people."

Cloud pouted and stamped his foot.

"What's wrong, Cloud?" asked Aerith, coming up behind him.

He pointed to the sign, attached with masking tape, to the front of the pillow fort. "'Smart Club'? Did you know about this?"

Aerith suppressed a giggle. "I _was _wondering why they kept asking if I knew where there were any more pillows, but..."

Leon's head poked out of the pillow fort. "Ah, Vice-President Gainsborough, how good of you to join us. Please, come into the fort. We have important, smart business to attend to."

"You guys are such children." Cloud frowned and decided not to take out his Buster sword and disturb the fort.

Aerith giggled good-naturedly. "Oh Cloud, they're just having some fun. You know how it is. Blondes are the ones who have all the fun, traditionally." She smiled and patted him on the head before entering the pillow fort.

Cloud frowned and waited for someone who wasn't a brunette to enter the room and relieve him of his loneliness, but none came.

After about thirty minutes, Vincent Valentine came in, and, with a husky grunt, rolled into the pillow fort.

A few more minutes ticked by; then, Yuffie came in, did some karate moves, and crawled into the Smart Club headquarters.

Cloud gave up after hearing minutes of hushed whispers. He went into the kitchen and salvaged what he could of the pancake wreckage.

Suddenly, there was a sound like the smashing of glass in the living room and deep, wicked laughter that was all-too-familiar.

Then, a voice said, "I suppose your club was intended to segregate blondes and brunettes, but in the process of establishing such an alliance, I believe that you forgot about the hair-color minorities, like me. Maybe next time you'll consider this."

Cloud got off his stool and rushed into the living room to discover that the window behind the Smart Club had been shattered. The Smart Club was destroyed; feathers, bits of fabric, and filler cotton littered the floor. In the middle of it all stood Sephiroth, Masamune in hand.

"You know, Sephiroth, you really do come in handy sometimes."

The End...?

_**I think I might turn this into a SephirothxCloud fic. If people read it. No one's reading my other story, so why should they read this one? Ah, well. Who cares anymore? lol Review if you feel like it; apparently no one feels up to writing a review recently.**_


	2. The Organization of Other Hair Colors

**Leon and Sora form a club. Cloud is jealous. Calamity ensues.**

**Disclaimer: If I **_**did**_** own Final Fantasy or Kingdom Hearts, they'd both be rated M. XD**

**THE SMART CLUB—Part II**

"Ooh, I come in handy, do I...?" Sephiroth asked, advancing on Cloud; before the blonde knew what was going on, the other man had grabbed hold of his wrists and pinned him against the wall.

Sephiroth leaned forward to plant a bruising kiss on his victim's lips; Cloud was actually beginning to enjoy his position, until Sora chirped, "Whoa, looks like we're about to see some non-Smart Club on non-Smart Club action!"

Sephiroth turned to look at the boy of fourteen and released his hold on Cloud's wrists. Cloud slumped to the floor in a temporary daze. "The Smart Club is no longer a legitimate organization. Disperse immediately."

Leon stood and put his hands on his hips. "Just because our headquarters was destroyed, doesn't mean that the club itself has disbanded, mister know-it-all!"

With a chuckle, Sephiroth abandoned Cloud on the floor as he took a step towards Leon. "Mister know-it-all? How can I be a know-it-all when I'm not allowed in the Smart Club? Perhaps the ones who don't know anything are the ones that started the club..."

"Come here and say that to my face, Sephiroth!" Leon cried, and took out his gunblade.

Sephiroth in turn unsheathed his Masamune. "You have dug your own grave, Leonhart."

That was when Xemnas walked in, Saïx in tow. He took in the pre-battle scene in front of him, then threw back his head and yelled, "YES! FEED YOUR ANGER TO KINGDOM HEARTS!"

Saïx looked either exhausted or annoyed. Either way, it was obvious that he did not want to be here.

Sora shifted to look at the two silver-haired men in the doorway, one of whom was now laughing maniacally. "So... what are you guys doing here?" he asked. Xemnas immediately stopped laughing and frowned at Sora.

"Not that it's any business of yours, key-bearer, but we're lovers!" he grabbed Saïx's upper arm to prove their relationship. Saïx sighed and pretended that he didn't know Xemnas.

"So... it's none of our business why you're here, but you're boyfriend/boyfriend with Saïx?" asked Sora.

"Yes! Stop asking stupid questions!"

"It's not a stupid question! You just barged into Merlin's house uninvited, and most of us are your enemies!"

"Fine then, we're here to help fight the cause of the Smart Club. I brought with me also Zexion, Axel, Larxene, Marluxia, Luxord, Roxas, and Vexen."

"That's cute, but you'll never defeat the Smart Club! All of your brains combined equals this!" cried Yuffie, holding up a feather from one of the wrecked walls of the Smart Club.

"It's on now!" yelled Axel from somewhere outside.

"Calm yourself, Axel, we'll get them in due time," Xemnas called over his shoulder. There was an eruption of flames and he shrugged.

Cloud, his vision beginning to focus again, frowned. Wasn't he just about to make out with Sephiroth just now? Why were all these people in Merlin's house?

And most importantly, why did he want them all gone so he could continue his romance with Sephiroth?

--

_**lol This was a really short chapter, but I wanted to give the people that are following this something, and I'm really tired. Sorry:3**_

_**By the way, visit my deviantart! The username is cloudmouth :)**_

_**H and Ks, Chatty Harry**_


	3. Disorganized and Moogle Slippers?

**Leon and Sora form a club. Cloud is jealous. Calamity ensues.**

**Disclaimer: If I **_**did**_** own Final Fantasy or Kingdom Hearts, they'd both be rated M... for male-on-male sexiness! XD**

**THE SMART CLUB—Part III**

**---**

Zexion, Vexen, Larxene, Marluxia, and Roxas all marched into the house in a single file line. Luxord and Axel, however, had attempted to go through the doorway at the same time and were stuck, both still trying to get into the room at once.

"I got here first!" cried Axel, shoving Luxord.

Luxord yelled, "There is a 99 chance that _I _got here first, firecrotch!"

There was a scuffle, which Axel won; he shoved his way past the blonde. "Stupid facial-hair types," he muttered, taking his place behind Xemnas and Saïx.

Xemnas turned back and slapped Axel over the back of the head.

"OW! What are you slapping me upside the head for? You ain't my pimp!" Axel cried, rubbing the goose egg that was forming underneath his spiky tresses. 

The silver-haired man turned away and put his hands on his hips. "You're forgetting that I _am_ your pimp, and I can slap you like that however and whenever I choose. The reason I slapped you, though, is because we are here fighting against discrimination. I can't have you forming some sort of 'Cool Group' that only people without facial hair are allowed to join. How would that make Luxord and Xaldin feel?"

"Xaldin doesn't have facial hair," Axel answered, frowning.

Zexion was about to say, "Actually, sideburns _do_ technically count as facial hair," when he was cut off by Cloud, who had gotten up off the floor.

"Why the hell are you idiots fighting over such a trivial thing? Only toddlers care about clubs like this that discriminate! I mean, come on, are you really going to join this club when and if it starts accepting non-brunette—"

Sora interjected with a hearty, "Non _Smart Club members_," and a sage nod of his head, his spikes gently bobbing.

Cloud glared at him for the interruption and continued, "Non-_brunette_ members?" He glanced back at Sora to see if the boy would attempt to correct him again. Sora shook his head and Cloud turned back to the astonished group of people in front of him. "In reality, I don't think that any of you Organization idiots would be able to make it to any meetings! Besides, you already have your own club! Just go home!"

The Organization members looked at the blonde, stunned. Cloud's chest was heaving and his brow was furrowed with frustration and annoyance.

Xemnas raised a finger to point at Cloud. "Did he just...?"

"Oh, he did _not_," said Axel. He stuck out his hands, causing two fiery wheels to appear underneath his palms; he took hold of them and pointed one in the direction of the offender. "No one tells off the Organization! Especially when we came to save your sorry ass!"

But Cloud was gone. Everyone looked around for him, but all that was left of him was the faint smell of pancake batter and the places on the carpet where his moogle slippers had rubbed it the wrong way.

Sephiroth was also gone, and no trace whatsoever had been left in his wake.

"Some _revolutionaries_," Axel said, and frowned, as he couldn't show off his "skillz" to Roxas, his secret love. He turned and thrust his weapons into Xemnas' arms, with a grunt of, "Here are my earnings for the night, Daddy. Sorry there isn't more, but I guess guys don't go for the 'sexy and spiky' look anymore."

"I think it's more like they don't go for the 'sexy anorexie' look anymore, Axel," quipped Marluxia.

"What did you just call me, fool? Oh, it's on now!" exclaimed Axel. "Gimme those back, Superior Skank!" He snatched his weapons back from Xemnas. He was about to attack Marluxia when he realized that everyone else had left the room, too.

Except one person.

"Superior... Skank...?" queried Xemnas, a look that was either wrath or irritation behind his eyes.

"Aw, boss, I was just jokin' around, you know how it is..." Axel said, then promptly ran from the room.

---

_**So, what did you think? I began to get too into Organization XIII and realized that Cloud and Sephiroth weren't saying anything, so I made it so they left :3! There will be at least one more chapter to this story, like one explaining to where he and Sephiroth mysteriously disappeared... And there will almost definitely be a separate, sequel story on Organization XIII. I just can't seem to think of a stable plot for it. Maybe it'll just be a bunch of oneshots—like 13 chapters, one for each member. Tell me what you think of this story, but also let me know what you think of my ideas!**_

_**H and Ks,**_

_** :D**_

_**Chatty Harry**_

_**By the way, I don't remember if I've put it on this story yet (and I'm too lazy to look! XD), but please visit my deviantart account, even if it does have a not-so-good picture of Axel hugging Sora! Just search under my username, cloudmouth. :D**_


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